This time of year gives lots of us time to pause, decompress, look back and look ahead. I've never really been much of a resolution maker. Maybe, because sometimes I lack the discipline, or don't want to set myself up for failure. I'm a pretty firm believer in the addage, "know thyself." It's often much easier said than done for so many reasons, but for me, it's a mantra that usually keeps me honest. So, in order for me to do just that and really give this new chapter a go I'll fess up.
When I finished design school last year, I was raring to go: confident, excited, motivated and inspired. I was brimming with ideas and bolstered by two years of creative honing. Little by little, I started to plan and build the behind the scenes elements of my business. In my mind I needed everything financial and logistical to be in place before I could move forward. Sensible, but in reality, it was a big fat cop-out. While an important piece of the puzzle, doing so became a way for me to avoid putting myself out there and flying without a net. At 38 years old, as much as I thought I was ready to go off on my own I think I was terrified of failing. My confidence was totally shaken by my fear of looking like a sham.
When I last blogged I had done a few small jobs and was four weeks into Calling it Home's One Room Challenge. This was the push I thought I needed needed to finish a room and grow my blog. And then my dog died. And I was devastated. Like a child. It sounds silly but it totally took the wind out of my sails and took me a month just to get back into our daily routine without falling to pieces. It was also the excuse I wanted to slink away from my fears.
By the time I pulled myself together my focus was pretty foggy. I was overwhelmed by the new roles ripping this band-aid off implied for me. I wanted to think about prepping for the holidays without the added stress of a blog and seeking out work. I procrastinated by searching for puppies and dogs to rescue (my husband is cringing) and established designers to work for part time. I rationalized that getting a small but steady paycheck would be so much easier than selling myself. When friends and family asked how my business was going there was little to say.
It wasn't until I asked a former classmate at my 20-year reunion how his new business was going that I heard how faulty my excuses were. Honestly, I was just trying to be polite and catch up with someone I hadn't seen in 20 years but true to form and without skipping a beat, he held up the mirror and turned my own question back on me and I stuttered to give an honest answer. For every excuse I offered about kids' schedules and financial questions, he called b.s. on me! I couldn't get a word in edgewise nor did I have a leg to stand on. He caught me off guard, but in the end, his objective insight was what I didn't know I needed.
So, now that I've boxed up Christmas and the new year is upon me, it's time to go big or go home. I'm not getting any younger and life is far too short to waste the time and money I've spent getting to this point not to make things happen. If you've stuck with me through this lengthy post, thank you! I will make it my job to spend the beginning of 2015 annoying you with frequent posts. Bear with me and feel free to join me as I share my trials and triumphs, the little beauties I find in the mundane, tips and queries and the occasional confession.
I look forward to growing this little blog and sharing in the community that's out there I so enjoyed with my last blog, Out on a Limb. I hope you'll lend your insights, questions and the details of what makes your everyday a little more inspiring and I wish you all a New Year filled with possibilities and joy.